Hello and welcome back to another edition of my bog. This one will be a bit special, as I feel very closed minded today.
You see, I'm going to talk closed minded things again. This time it is about a speech that was given during a perhimpunan. I actually can't believe that we still have those riduculous ceremonies where we sing negarakuku and Allah selamatkan sultan and lagu kolej.
And you see everytime after the songs we would have a cereamah. Not a speech, but a ceramah like what the PAS people do in Kelantan.
And if you remember the last ceramah it was saying that doctors in UPM get gaji satu juta and orang matrik 4 flat dapat Havard, this time it was about 'kenapa result exam teruk'
This one is even more special than the previous ones as the bullshit went on for about half an hour. There we had the counsellor out on the stage and he said:
Tahu kenapa dapat results teruk? Sebab ilmu tak halal.
WTF was that supposed to mean? If rohani tak seimbang I can still accept, but ilmu tak halal is riduculous. And he went on talking about macam mana nak halalkan ilmu for about 10 minutes and then I fell asleep.
The irony of the whole 30 minutes was that he did not mention at ALL that we failed because we didn't study hard enough. Somuch for being a counsellor.
Anyway when I woke up saya menerima wahyu. Now I know the law of halal and haram.
It is very simple actually. Its basic math.
OK, the first law is :
Halal+halal=halal.
For example, chicken+rice=chicken rice ...eq(1)
halal+halal= halal ...eq(2)
Sub (1) into (2)
therefore chicken rice is halal.
Another example, curry+fish=curry fish ...eq(1)
halal+halal=halal ...eq(2)
Therefore curry fish is halal.
OK lets do something harder. This is the second law
pork+rice=pork rice ...eq(1)
haram+halal=haram ...eq(2)
Therefore pork rice is haram.
OK another one
bacardi+coke=bacardi coke ...eq(1)
haram+halal=haram ...eq(2)
Therefore bacardi coke is haram
But what about the third law?
What is haram+haram?
The answer is halal because negative x negative = positive
The experimental value has yet to be determined. That means that if I eat pork in class, the ilmu is halal. Because I didn't halalkan the ilmu, so I must eat pork to make it halal.
But the only question remains is that how long will the effect last? Which is the optimum effect?
If I eat pork;
after class?
before class?
during class?
1 day before class?
2 days before class?
1 week before class?
1 month before class?
1 year before class?
since the day I was born?
*Assumption:Pork was used as the haram ingredient because it is cheaper than XO cognac. In theory alcohol and pork should have the same effect on the halal rule, but alcohol makes you drunk during class, and you cannot even understand what the teacher just said, so it's useless even if it's halal
Well, science cannot answer everything, so we'll have to do more research later and dapat more wahyu. Anyway, that's all for my special edition I hope to come up with more next time.
For all the Melayu's out there reading this, this is just a joke. Nothing personal against anyone. (No, really)
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